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Meh Granny

Meh granny never had the things
That maist fowk hae the day,
She never saw a TV set
Or heard a tranny play.
She never yaised a microwave
Eye level grills an' things.
She used tae yaise an auld black range
An' twa gas burning rings.

Meh granny never ate kebabs
Or Chinese kerry oots.
She never drank a can o' coke
Or tasted kiwi fruits.
She never smelt the curried scent
O' spicy vindaloos,
An' she never (tho' she stayed three up)
Had stairheid barbecues.

Meh granny never wore T-shirts,
No even in her teens.
She never wore a mini skirt
Or frayed an' torn jeans.
She never had her hair in spikes
Or dyed it green or blue,
An' she never had her airms tattoed
Or had a sniff o' glue.

Meh granny never had a hoose
Wi' mod cons like we hae.
The kitchen was her living room,
The loaby her hallway.
The carpets were but clootie rugs
That she'd made piece by piece,
An' her vacuum wis a besom heid
That worked wi' elbow grease.

Alas, meh granny's crossed the vale
Ower tae the ither side.
She's sairly missed, but nontheless
That's whaur she'll hae tae bide.
Hoo'ever - should she get tae hear
O' a' the things we've got,
I'm shair she'll shed her heavenly wings
An' come back like a shot.